The anus that saved the day

I have a dodgy tummy. I am not ashamed of this matter anymore. I frequently tell my boss I have diarrhea and will provide explicit details such as ‘ It was a riot and I ruined the porcelain’, therefore I am unable to be at work by 9 am I am afraid. Normal standard chat….

Herpes and the nightclub

I lead a very active life. I go out. I totally go out. Trip to Sainos? = Activity. Grocery shopping is considered an activity rather than a chore when you are past the age of 25.  It’s very stressful to remember to buy milk. So when I say I am going out. Please know, I…

Raining condoms.

The condoms I have in my cupboard have expired. This the truth of my vagina and it’s tales. Reporting back – with absolutely 0 news other than please throw away those crusty old condoms. I am not phased, I am considering joining a nunnery at this rate. Got to love a spring clean and finding…

Age is actually a thing.

My older man thing started this one time in an airport in Berlin in 2017. That was a mere 12 year age gap. It’s kind of like a fetish. Don’t ask. I don’t have the answers and Freud is not available these days. His telephone is permanently engaged. Back to the actual story line, this…

The potato skins and Las Vegas

I will cover more about Las Vegas as I have some hilarious shit to share, this is just one story so I will dive right in about my 2018 trip – on night four. I had enough of Lil John and took myself home after a night out on at Hakkasan. On arrival at my…

A South African’s guide to moving to London.

London, ah yes, the promised land! The place of dreams! The place of money (jokes in you if this is what you think in your twenties). How many times I told myself, ELLEN! You will be earning pounds! What no one told me is that I would also be spending pounds, but you know ‘life…

“Saturdays are for the boys”

London is a man’s playground. Single women will understand this. One of my friends just moved in with a fab guy – and the rest of us are like, Pru, how did you do this? Her theory is pretty golden: “You need to get them before they have moved into London (or newly moved to…