The pepper risotto and the deviant.

This guy lets call him Dave. I really liked Dave. Dave was a guy I met on Bumble. I swiped on his profile because he was a classic posh British person. I am all about that shit.  In his profile he is wearing a tweed suit (TWEED guys!) and he is posing with his dog…

A South African’s guide to moving to London.

London, ah yes, the promised land! The place of dreams! The place of money (jokes in you if this is what you think in your twenties). How many times I told myself, ELLEN! You will be earning pounds! What no one told me is that I would also be spending pounds, but you know ‘life…

“Saturdays are for the boys”

London is a man’s playground. Single women will understand this. One of my friends just moved in with a fab guy – and the rest of us are like, Pru, how did you do this? Her theory is pretty golden: “You need to get them before they have moved into London (or newly moved to…

Choosing a toner. Guide for dummies.

I have FAR from perfect skin, I am covered in scars, I have a HUGE BLOB on my forehead (pigmentation), pores the size of JHB potholes. List is endless. I have spent years getting clued up on skincare through my mum and beautician and nowadays I actually underestimate how much I actually know! I surprise…

How to lose 27 kgs and stay sane.

You should know that title is a lie. I am completely fucking bonkers. The 27 kgs part. Oh that is real. Welcome welcome welcome to my life. This is a pretty long post – I hope you are settled with a cup of tea. It’s not funny like my other posts but I have tried…

Mr Hairy Balls.

My leg hairs are so long right now. I can see them glistening in the candle light as I write this. Yes, candle light. Alone. Alone. The word even looks sad on this page. Back to the leg hairs. Oh glistening little hairs. Tiny babies. A colony of little babies. I am thinking I might…