Choosing a toner. Guide for dummies.

I have FAR from perfect skin, I am covered in scars, I have a HUGE BLOB on my forehead (pigmentation), pores the size of JHB potholes. List is endless. I have spent years getting clued up on skincare through my mum and beautician and nowadays I actually underestimate how much I actually know! I surprise…

How to lose 27 kgs and stay sane.

You should know that title is a lie. I am completely fucking bonkers. The 27 kgs part. Oh that is real. Welcome welcome welcome to my life. This is a pretty long post – I hope you are settled with a cup of tea. It’s not funny like my other posts but I have tried…

Mr Hairy Balls.

My leg hairs are so long right now. I can see them glistening in the candle light as I write this. Yes, candle light. Alone. Alone. The word even looks sad on this page. Back to the leg hairs. Oh glistening little hairs. Tiny babies. A colony of little babies. I am thinking I might…

The single salary.

“In my dreams! I have a plan, if I got myself a wealthy man….MONEY MONEY MONEY! It’s a rich mans world! A man like that is hard to find…”. Ah yes, my lullaby. Abba tells it just right.  I want too much in life. My boss insinuates this every other day (after I ask for…

The only way is Bryanston. #Dermapen™living

I have a mermaid friend. She also happens to be a cosmetics Dr. I know. Lucky me, cue annoying hashtag,#blessedwiththebest. One day, she said to me “Hey Ellen, are you keen on being my cosmetic Dermapen™ guinea pig?”.  I was so excited at the prospect of becoming the next Joan Rivers, I jumped into my car…

The curse of the chia seed bowl.

I don’t know about you, but I am 26 and I am stressed. I wake up sweating at 3 am. I have questions. What happened to Teddy Geiger? What happened to Jo-Jo? A voice is saying “Ellen turn off your brain! You need to sleep or else you will wake up with dull skin and…